Am I Going to Live?

Am I going to live?”

10 years ago these were the words I was muttering from my hospital bed. Trying to figure out how I managed to get multiple blood clots in my head. None of the medical staff could tell me the answer of the question I needed to know.  My ER nurse gave me a big hug and off I went in a ambulance to St. Joe’s Barrows Unit.

I had a headache for a few days and at 3am I woke up out of sorts, in the worst pain of my life, and puking black. I told my husband, to which we had only been married a short time, to get our two month old infant in the car seat. Do not waste any time and get me to the ER! I rode with icepacks on my head all the way to Thunderbird ER.

I spent a few days in Barrows ICU while they monitored me making sure I wouldn’t need surgery, which I was terribly scared of.  A whole team of medical staff gave me the run down of what could happen if they had to perform surgery to remove the blood clot that was the size of pencil eraser. I had never prayed in my life till that moment.

The pain was beyond anything I have ever experienced. I just yelled for more morphine to make it go away.  Surprisingly I only spent 5 total days in the hospital but it was going to take at least 6 months to recover. I lost vision in my right eye for 3 months due to one of the clots locations. It was a long hard 6 months of headaches. Did I mention I had a newborn? Hard is an understatement. Through all of this I found out I had a clotting disorder, which became a perfect storm when I had a baby. I feel like I could have found out in an easier less scary way. LOL!

I had a lot of help during this time, which included my best friends taking my 2 month old for the 5 days while I was in the hospital. I honestly didn’t even want anything to do with him at the time because I was just trying to survive. Joe didn’t leave my side when I was in ICU.

It was rough but here I am! I wasn’t sure if I would see another day and trust I wasn’t ready to go. This is one of the defining moments in my life that changed me. That woke me up! I had to get healthy not just for myself but also for my family and friends.

Please do not wait for a rock bottom. You do not want to be on a hospital bed asking nurses, doctors, family and friends if you are going to live and begging for someone to tell you. Your moment is now! Start making changes and don’t look back!

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